Quiet solitude

Another quiet evening. There's been a lot of those this week. And it's sad to have to keep rescheduling date nights. Actually, having to schedule them in the first place is sad when you're living with the person! Unpredictable schedules are tough.

I suppose it's good for me. It helps me to be more flexible. But it's hard when making plans to have that thought in the back of your mind that it may not actually happen, at least not as planned.

I do enjoy having some quiet time to myself. But I get bored. And lonely. And if it lasts for too long, depressed. I have to keep myself busy, not let my mind think sometimes.

I'm spoiled, I know. Times like these make me realize how lucky I am to have a husband who is amazing as mine. And that he has a job that he enjoys. Sorry for the melancholy post. I just had to get it down.

Exciting News?

Lately I've been amazed yet again of how many of my friends have had exciting news to share. Engagements, having babies, announcing their expecting a baby, weddings... I could go on and on. At first I was kinda bummed. No news here. But then I realized that that's okay. In fact, that's actually wonderful. It's nice to have things "as is" for awhile. I love where we are at. I'm blessed with an adoring husband whose love amazes me daily. We are blessed to live in a beautiful, comfortable home. I have been blessed with amazing family and friends. And I am almost done with school.

Soon it will be busy enough with all sorts of change: graduation, internships, and then finding a job. And somewhere down the road we'll have exciting news. But for now... I'm just enjoying not having any news, and enjoying the moment. :)

wedding dress

So I tried on my wedding dress today as I was assembling outfits for an upcoming photo shoot I'm having done. Well, I TRIED to try on my dress. Got the zipper half way up at least. Unfortunately, size 2 was several dress sizes ago. *sigh* Not who I once was. It's sad. Definitely motivation to keep active and continue eating carefully. :'(

Happy new year!

I should have written this as my first post of the year. Guess it wasn't the first thing on my mind. I believe 2011 is going to be an amazing year! I am so excited about finishing my education this next year and beginning my practice as an occupational therapist.

These next two quarters will be quite intense: finishing up our research project and write-up, presenting our project at EWU's symposium, peds and geriatric fieldworks, and our final oral exam. Not to mention graduation in June! :) Then I will begin my first level 2 fieldwork at a local skilled nursing facility for my summer quarter. In the fall I will be working in the Cheney school district, and in December I will complete my requirements for my MOT! :) That means that a year from now, I will hopefully have a job lined up, and I'll likely be frantically studying for my state boards.

This coming year will be an exciting one- can't wait to see what all is in store. Anyone else have exciting plans lined up for this coming year??

Cold, alone, worried, acused, scared and in pain

I feel cold, alone, and worried. Cold because it's freezing outside. Alone because I haven't been able to talk with my husband all day, and worried because of all the snow and traveling in it.

Bob was still at home when I left for school this morning. Roads were awful getting down our hill. Didn't hear from Bob at lunch, hoping at least he got to work safely. He was supposed to stay for a staff meeting beginning at 7 (they typically last 2+ hours), but was thinking of going to his parents for awhile between work and the meeting. Still haven't heard anything and cell is now dead, which for some reason also makes it so I can't get through on his office line. No response on e-mail either. Argh! Just hope everything's okay.

I feel frustrated and accused. I'm frustrated because no matter what we do for Storm, it doesn't work. Today I got home and the neighbor came over and told me that she had been out all day and that the neighbors 3 houses down were keeping her. I feel accused because of statements from neighbors such as, "Is she going to be inside tonight, you know it's really too cold for her to be outside," or "You know she's been out all day. We couldn't call because she doesn't have her collar" and, "I don't know what kind of collar doesn't break. OUR dog has free reign of our yard." WELL MINE WOULD TOO IF THE CRAZY THING DIDN'T JUMP IT! And she didn't have her collar because SHE BROKE IT! And of course I'm not going to leave her outside in the blizzard and single digit temperatures. Pretty sure these are the neighbors that reported us to animal control.

I feel accused. Like I'm a negligent and abusive pet owner. We do our best for her. Yes- we leave her outside during the day. But she has shelter, food and water. More than we can say for lots of people out there right now. But nobody cares about that, let's make sure our animals are taken care of. Stupid. Yes I care about our animal. But she's that- an animal.

I'm also extremely frustrated. At school we have to get in 10 hours for a "community experience". Some classmates were assigned to an adaptive sports program, others to a women's shelter, and I was assigned to the local veteran's home. The other two programs had variable times you could go get your hours. But mine doesn't. Tuesday from 2-4pm. Written in stone. I don't know why. I just go and visit with my client in his room. I could do that any time. But our professors aren't moving. Most of my classmates are now on Thanksgiving break. But not me. So about the time the UCA bus (driven by my husband) is passing through the Tri-cities, I'll be beginning my 2 hour stretch of my community experience, spending time with a client who would rather not spend his time with me. I'll come home to an empty cold house, and start out the next morning to drive through the dicey roads on my own. Oh wait, not on my own. Storm will be there. Can't leave her home and let the neighbors watch her for us. We learned last time what happens when we do that.

Oh- and I went to the chiroporactor today, got some work done, and my shoulder hurts like the blazes. And he mentioned two separate surgeries, not for the first time.

Hope the rest of you are feeling more optimistic right now. I am feeling quite down.

"Daddy, don't hit me!!"

Tonight at the video store, I witnessed the most tragic scene. A family of four wandered around the store, the parents discussing video options. Two little kids, a boy and a girl, solemnly followed behind. The boy had a knit cap on, as well as his hoodie. Strangely, the dad was holding the hoodie up over the boy's forehead. Suspicious, I watched the family. Something didn't seem right. As the parents became more engaged in their conversation, the little boy ran off. When he came back, his hoodie slipped back enough for me to see two large bruises on the side of his face. Holding back tears, I struggled to maintain my composure. While I "browsed", I tried to figure out what to do. Picking up "She's the Man", and pretending to read the back, I heard the boy say, "Daddy, don't hit me!" and then he was hushed. My suspicions confirmed, I thought of what I might do. I couldn't stand by and do nothing.

Bob soon joined me and I told him what I'd seen and heard. As we walked around, we heard the boy's plea again. There was no hitting, but it was obvious that it was a common occurrence. We checked out, and then decided to wait in our car to see which car the family left in. I hoped that I could catch the license plate number. After waiting for twenty minutes, we saw the family leave the store. As they walked through the parking lot, we soon realized that they didn't have a car there. We followed them for a few blocks in our car, then realized that we couldn't anymore because they were headed away from the busy shopping area and they would see that they were being followed.

I still wish I could have done something more for those kids. I didn't know what I could have done. I wish I'd had something I could have given the woman... something that could have encouraged her or given her some resources. What I really wanted to do was to take that little boy home with us. This reignited my desire to one day be a foster parent to kids who need a safe place to be between their unhappy homes and their future adopted home situation. I feel such a strong pull to work with these kids. Perhaps after I've finished school and before we have our family, we'll have the opportunity to take in a child and provide a safe loving home for them. We'll have to see. :)

When it Rains it Pours

First off- I've gotta say this is an amazingly beautiful brisk fall morning. A nice break from the grey skies we've had lately. Don't get me wrong- I love rainy grey weather, but it's definitely nice to see the sun shine through as well.

Lately I have been SO stressed. We've been preparing for the last month now for a practicum that is scheduled for tomorrow morning. I am not as prepared as I would like to be, but fortunately I have done quite a bit of prep work leading up to it. Today I just need to put all the pieces together for the scenarios.

I also am stressed out about something that happened in the last week. In the process, I believe I hurt a friend's feelings. Though I have apologized, I'm still not convinced things are better, and I feel bad about it. I need to think before I speak.

I am also dealing with continued chronic pain. After 2 weeks of tingling/burning/numb sensations in my right leg and arm, I went to the chiropractor today. After a number of assessments, he is quite sure that I have a slipped disc. Oh joy. As if my back doesn't have enough going on. So he said that if I guard it, the likelyhood of it healing on its own is fairly high. However, if I am not careful, surgery could be in my future.

Boo... I am too young for this. Only 23. I have so many active things in my future. He is writing a letter today to the student disability support services of EWU. This will enable my professors to work with my fieldwork sites so that they will be required to accommodate for a lifting restriction (no more than 20 lbs). This leads me to question what area of OT I can realistically go into that won't require this lifting. It's discouraging. Areas that I am interested in may not be reasonable.

What about other areas of life? I want to take my dog on a walk- but that risks re-injuring my still healing impinged rotator cuff, or twisting my back to injure my disc. What about motherhood? Even though that's quite a ways down the road, I do think about it. Pretty sure that requires lifting more than 20 lbs. What about the pregnancy itself? That's some major strain on the back.

Well I should be getting on with my day. Though I feel like I've hit a wall, the world still keeps moving and I need to catch up. Back to studying for the practicum. Thanks for listening, friends. :)

Frenzied Thoughts of a Busy Student

Let me start by just saying: I was sorely disappointed this evening to receive a soy latte after ordering a pumpkin-spice tea latte. They're very different. And, unfortunately, this means that I will likely be up late tonight. Very late. But- on the flip side- this does mean more time to study for the ominous practicum that is happening a week from tomorrow- yikes!

Lately I've been thinking more about my career as an OT. It isn't that far away! A year from this December I will be DONE! It's crazy to think how close that is- I don't feel prepared, but I am confident that I will be by then.

Today I received confirmation that I will have my level 1 fieldwork at the Portland VA this fall. I am so excited! And my fieldwork educator is allowing me to choose from which area I want experience in: inpatient/SNF or outpatient/polytrauma/hands. I don't know what to choose! SNF and hands are both areas I am interested in.

This has led me to wonder what area of OT I will eventually end up working in. I've always thought it would be children (either a peds clinic or school-based OT), but I am also drawn to the elderly. So maybe home health or SNF (skilled nursing facility)? But becoming a certified hand therapist would likely save my back from unnecessary lifting. And it pays well. But that would require working full time for 5 years to become eligible to sit for boards. What about our family? Can't put that off forever. ;)

Thankfully these fieldwork experiences will provide some insight and will hopefully aid in coming to a decision. Until then, I'll just have to be a sponge and take in all the info that is thrown my way. Which reminds me... I should be memorizing my innervations. :)

Any thoughts from my faithful readers? Is one area easier to picture me in than others?

Sick :(

I wish I could write as eloquently as some of my fellow bloggers (take Laura or Andrea for instance!). Reading some of their posts, it seems that they have spent hours piecing together personal anecdotes and thoughts until they have woven the perfect blog to entertain and inform their readers. Unfortunately, I don't seem to have that gift. Perhaps if I wrote more often that would change. Maybe if I cared more. I'm not sure. Either way, I'm not a gifted writer. I just tell it like it is.

This week I have been sick. Apparently I picked up the cold Bob had last week. I rarely get sick when he does- I generally have a stronger immune system than he does. But this time I got it. Worse, I think, than he did.

Following a busy weekend campout with UCA's sophomore class (Bob's one of their class sponsors), I drove up with the school to MiVoden for their fall picnic. We spent a wonderful day with Michael, Tonia, and Eleanor, enjoying time with great friends. We even got to take a boat out for an hour or so. It was great. :)

By the time we got home, I realized I was coming down with something. When I woke up on Tuesday, my voice was deep and ragged - my "sexy, manly voice" as some have called it. ;) Since then I've gotten used to the round the clock cold meds, hot teas, airborne, and TONS of water. I SO want to be over this!

This morning I coughed so hard that I had a hard time catching my breath. And I had the strangest sensation of what it may feel like to drown, thanks to the lovely junk in my lungs. I just hope that I can get over this before it settles in my chest and I develop pneumonia. I had it once when I was younger and it was awful.

I have so many things I'd rather be doing right now than being sick. I'd planned on spending this week reviewing anatomy, MMT, and goniometry before our practicums shortly after school begins. Instead I'm wasting time watching TV shows, movies, and reading because my brain hurts too much to think much, and I don't have the energy to get things done around the house. It stinks!

Letter to Me

It's a bit strange, but of late I have enjoyed listening to some country music. I know. I'm surprised too. It used to be on the same list as rap for me. But I can appreciate some of it now.

One of my favorite artists is Brad Paisley. Today I was listening to one of his songs on Pandora.com called "Letter to Me". If you haven't heard it before I encourage you to- it has lots of good things to think about.

As I listened to the song, I wondered what my future self would be telling me now to put things into perspective and share little bits about my future. Worry less. Embrace family. Don't stress so much. Take the time for those you love. What my kids look like. What job I'll have. When we'll build our dream house.

It's kinda fun to think about. :)

Creative Pursuits

Lately, as I have thought about my Creative Pursuits and Aging research project, I realized that there are many several creative pursuits that I miss participating in. As I have worked with my group in the literature review, I realize that so many people put off their interests until later in life when they have time. I have many creative pursuits that I used to do that I have been neglecting lately, and some that I never have participated in, but want to. This got me thinking about all the things I hope to do one day:

- learn American Sigh Language
- become fluent in Spanish
- learn to play the piano again
- start playing the flute again
- learn to play the guitar
- learn to play the cello
- take up quilting
- learn to love exercise - continue yoga and pilates
- find a way to take up swimming again
- take singing lessons (though the thought terrifies me!)
- take time to blog and get my thoughts out

These are just a few things I've thought of lately. I'll probably be writing a part 2 of this later on. :)

My dream

Well, last Friday I got everything lined up for graduation! On June 11, 2010 I will receive my B.A. in Interdisciplinary Studies. The following June I'll get my masters!

It's exciting to see my dreams coming true. It's amazing for me to see where God has led. I can't help but think about what He has in store for my future.

In the last few weeks, as I have learned more about the scope of practice in occupational therapy, I have began formulating a plan of what I want my work and mission to be.

For several years I have wanted to work with children. After hearing Dr. Patch Adams at WOTA's conference last month, I got an idea of a clinic I'd like to start. I shadowed an OT in Vancouver, WA where there was a PT, OT, and Speech Pathologist all working in the same clinic. They were able to work collaboratively on each child, providing the care and interventions each kid needed. I'd like to start a clinic like that. Have the office open 3-4 days a week, and leave a day open for me to do some work pro bono and provide early intervention services to kids who would not otherwise have the resources to get the care they needed.

At this point I don't know how this would work legally to have a back door policy like this. But I feel such a strong calling to help children early on. Once they get into the school districts, the schools will provide needed OT treatment, but what about those kids who could benefit from care at an earlier time? It could make such a difference in their little lives.

My Summer To-do List

Well, this summer I had a short list of things I wanted to accomplish. Here is roughly what it was:
1. Get back in shape
2. Get a jump start on next quarters reading
3. Finish writing and send out wedding thank-yous (this has been on my to-do list for way too long...)
4. Do some fun summer reading
5. Settle into our new home
6. Plant tulips
7. Survive my first quarter of the MOT program.

So far, I haven't made much progress on number 1, although we did get a trial membership at Oz Fitness last night and I went swimming this morning. Sadly, it was the first visit to the gym this summer.

While I honestly thought I'd get a head start on summer reading, I have barely opened them. In fact, the last 2 only arrived in the mail today. Oops...

Today I've been working on my 3rd or 4th draft of the thank-you letters, but I still need to add pictures and room for a personal message. Hopefully I'll finish that today.

I did accomplish number 4, and enjoyed reading several books from the local library.

While we still have numerous boxes in our home, we are mostly settled, with only minor touches like putting up picture frames and organizing my study room left to do.

I still need to complete number 6. I planted a few bulbs in the backyard and some in pots, but the majority of them still need to be planted in the front yard. Come spring, the bold yellow and red will definitely brighten our yard. :)

I did indeed survive the first quarter of OT school, with my GPA and sanity still intact. I've heard that this next quarter is just as intense, but at least I know what I'm getting in to. :)

While I may not have finished my to-do list, this summer was great. I adjusted to OT school, settled into a new home, and still left time for some R&R. Hopefully it won't take long to switch back on the multitasking-goal driven-deadline meeting side of me. We'll have to see how tomorrow goes. :)

His Eye Is on the Sparrow

This is a beautiful song that I've loved in the past and recently rediscovered. It's sung by one of my favorite groups, Selah. It really helped me put all my worry, stress, and anxiety into perspective. Hope you enjoy it as well!

Breaking Point

Reality is starting to sink in and I feel like I need to escape from it all for awhile. I still haven't learned to handle stress and I feel like I'm ready to break. I'm still trying to adjust to grad school and suddenly have the added strain of moving out in the next 15 days. When I first heard the news yesterday that we needed to be out soon I thought of it as an adventure. Since then, my act has failed and I am loosing the superficial confidence I was able to put on earlier.

This quarter is compacted into 8 weeks rather than 10, and is an intensive "review" of gross anatomy complete with a cadaver lab. We also are taking a kinesiology course that has many physics concepts I have never been exposed to. I feel like I've been playing catch up from day one. We're now 1/4 of the way through the quarter. The long days of class and intensive study are wearing me thin and my motivation as well as my concentration are melting away.

Our sudden housing situation is also a great concern to me. We are so blessed that Bob now has a mostly permanent job so we have more options. We'd like to take advantage of the housing market, but are not sure what our options are as far as that goes. So far there are not houses in the area that seem to be just right. At the same time, we're hesitant to rent again, because every monthly payment for rent could be going towards something we own instead that is about the same monthly cost.

Sometimes I long for the simplicity of life I had as a kid. Sure there were worries, but they were insignificant in many ways, especially when compared to the responsibilities I have today. It seems as though those days went by way too fast. I wonder what it would be like to go back just for a day and forget about grad school, bills, health concerns and housing woes.

I need to remember that God is in control. He hasn't let us down, and I'm sure he won't now. I just wish I knew how to trust more. Perhaps He will use this to teach me that lesson. I look forward to when God turns the next page in the chapter of our life and reveals what His plans are for us.